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How I dealt with reactions to my home birth wish

estimated reading time: 5 minutes edited on: 10.02.23

Do you also know that every decision, every action is commented on by you? Everyone always adds their two cents. I find that quite exhausting. Before I got pregnant the first time, I never noticed it to such an extreme, but when it comes to pregnancy, childbirth and children, I always have to listen to other people's opinions, whether I like it or not. The only thing that helps so that doesn't happen is to say nothing. But even then, the comments often come unasked. Here I'll write down a few reactions I got when I told about my decision to have a home birth. It may be important to note that my first child was born by cesarean section. I will write down both negative and positive comments below.

"Isn't that way too dangerous?"

Or even "You will kill yourself and your baby." I got to hear statements like that every now and then. Depending on who was making these comments and how I was in the mood at the time, I tried to take the fears away or just ignore it. The worst I found was this statement from a female doctor from the hospital, who actually said that my decision was very rash and will cost us our lives very quickly.

I really understand such fears. At the same time, I do not make such a decision without being aware of the risks. I had talked to my gynecologist and various midwives about it and still thought it was the best way to deliver my child.

"Your scar will tear!"

Or even "What if the scar tears?" This refers to my c-section scar from the birth of my son. Yes, of course it can tear. Theoretically, it's possible. And that would suck, to put it bluntly. Then it would indeed be the case that my baby and I would quickly be in Lebensgefar. However, the risk of rupture is very low.

My last birth was about four years ago at the time, so everything was able to heal well. No abnormality was noted on the ultrasound and I was not planning on taking pain medication during labor, which would limit my feeling for this area. Also, my midwife assured me that there were several signs before such a tear and then she would act immediately.

Ultimately, I could bleed out on the way from the delivery room to the OR. I had no risk factors for rupture, so I decided to take the minimal risk.

"Glad you're taking care of yourself!"

That was more of a reaction I rarely heard. I heard it from people who knew me and my past very well. I felt like I wouldn't be able to open up to the hospital, wouldn't feel free, and because of that, the birth wouldn't go any further. I really gave it a lot of thought beforehand and found a home birth to be the only real option for me to bring my child into the world in a self-determined and natural way.

"Aren't you afraid?"

No, most of the time I wasn't afraid. I believed in myself and the strength and ability of my body to give birth. Sometimes I had doubts, but my husband always encouraged me and strengthened my decision.

"Don't you think it will be too noisy?"

Or even "What will the neighbors think?". Well, I think our neighbors, we live in a multi-family house, have eventually then also noticed that I am pregnant and can think their part. If not, they are welcome to ring the doorbell and my husband will tell them that a baby is just born. I didn't really care what they would think.

At the end of the day, logically, we talked to our neighbors about our desire to give birth at home and of course it was no problem for them at all.

I think that's really brave. I couldn't.

That goes a little bit with previous questions. I don't think my decision is brave. I just know myself pretty well by now and I know what I need and what's good for me. And that includes a familiar environment and familiar people during birth. Everyone knows best for himself or herself what does him or her good and can thus make his or her own decision. My choice of birthplace doesn't have to suit anyone else but only myself.

Does your midwife have special training for home births?

No. Why should she? Midwives are primarily specialists for natural births, and that includes home birth s. There is no need for further training.

As far as I remember, these were the most frequent or most comical comments I heard.

What were comments about choosing your birthplace?

Image source:

The cover image comes from unsplash.com.

Ich habe beide Kinder bin Krankenhaus zur Welt gebracht. Hier wurde zwar nicht der Geburtsort, aber die Geburtsarten kommentiert. 1. Der Gebärhocker. Es war meine erste Geburt, also die meines Sohnes und ich war von diesem Ereignis total fasziniert, genauso wie von der zweiten und man wird es auch immer wieder sein. Als ich erzählte, dass ich das Kind auf dem Gebährhocker zur Welt gebracht habe, kamen Sprüche wie 'Nicht im Liegen' oder 'Und dann fällt es einfach auf den Boden?' 'Also ich habe ja im Liegen entbunden, so wie es normal ist' Am Anfang störte es mich total. Man hatte immer das Gefühl, sich rechtfertigen oder erklären zu müssen. Obwohl es diese Art, sein Kind zu gebären, schon seit Ewigkeiten gibt... Oh, vielleicht in den 80ern/ 90ern nicht, denn in diesem Zeitraum gebaren die Kommentatorinnen. Aber sogar die Schwiegermutter fand dies nicht befremdlich und kannte dies. Vorallem ist es doch auch irgendwie natürlich. Der Druck erfolgt nach unten. Und da soll ich als Frau im Liegen, unter Schmerzen, gegen die Schwerkraft arbeiten und mein Kind waagrecht liegend zur Welt bringen? Sich zur Untersuchung hinzulegen und dann Wehen zu haben, war schon nicht sonderlich angenehm. 2. Wassergebühr Das zweite Kind wurde im Wasser geboren. Nie im Leben wollte ich ein Kind im Wasser bekommen. Wenn das da alles rumschwimmt... Nee! Es war so angenehm im Wasser. Wie bei der ersten, schnellen Geburt auch, wollte/ brauchte ich keine Schmerzmittel. Das warme Wasser linderte etwas und gab mir etwas Leichtigkeit, wenn man das so sagen kann. So kam unsere Tochter im Wasser zur Welt. Es war wirklich schön! Komischerweise fragten dieses Mal weniger Leute, wie das Kind geboren wurde. Oder es kam nur ein 'Aha'. Obwohl einige wirklich interessiert an einer Wassergeburt waren. Vielleicht hatten sich die anderen schon mit dem "neumodischen Kram" abgefunden. Warum ist es eigentlich so interessant? Warum fragt man, wie die Geburt war? Nur um danach seine eigenen Erfahrungen, Erlebnisse einbringen oder einfach erzählen zu können? Es doch etwas ganz Persönliches, ein ganz intimer Moment. Etwas so Schmerzhaftes und Wunderschönes zugleich. Ich denke, jede Frau sollte so gebären, wie sie es sich wünscht, ohne sich rechtfertigen zu müssen. Denn es ist ihr Moment und der des Vaters.